What my mother taught me

This was when I was in my 10th grade. I would come home walking from my school around 4.30 in the afternoon and I would be very hungry. After the traditional practice of cleaning my hands and feet, I would head straight to the kitchen. My mother would be standing at the cooking platform and perhaps giving the final touches to the plate of food which she was preparing for me.  I would stand next to her telling her about the happenings at school while I waited for her to hand over the plate to me. 

This one day she  had mixed ಅನ್ನ ಹುಳಿ. (anna huLi). This was a staple in our house. For those who are unfamiliar with this simple food, it is cooked-rice mixed with a soup-like dish prepared with vegetables and spices. It was usually the leftover food from the day's afternoon meal. That day my mother filled anna huLi in a plate and held the plate towards me.  I  took the plate from her. However, the plate accidentally slipped from my hand and fell down. The stainless steel plate made a loud banging sound as it fell and rolled on the ground and the anna huLi was splashed all around the kitchen. Anger, hunger and disbelief was writ large on my face at being so clumsy. I was also saddened that I had disappointed my mother. I knew my mother's nature well and knew she was not the kind of woman who would throw a fit. But still I looked at her with apprehension.

I could see that her first reaction was one of anger. Her anger was understandable because there was nothing else left to give me unless she made something fresh.  But that expression of anger stayed on her face only for a moment. Within less than a second,  that expression gave way to a display of love and affection. She gently said "ಹೋಗ್ಲಿ ಬಿಡು. ಪರವಾಗಿಲ್ಲ. ಬೇರೆ ಏನಾದ್ರು ಮಾಡ್ಕೊಡ್ತೀನಿ."  (Don't worry. Let it go. I will make something else for you).  As I watched with remorse, she quickly went on to make some other dish and gave it to me which I ate with satisfaction. 

This incident is imprinted in my mind for ever. Within that one fleeting fraction of a second,  my mother had realized what was going through my mind. She had understood that I was feeling sad and very disappointed with myself at what I had done. She had decided that she did not want to cause   any more pain.

My mother not only dealt with that situation with motherly love and wisdom but also planted in me, a good lesson in parenting. Every time my children do something messy, I remember how my mother had reacted when I did something messy. I curb my urge to get angry. I curb my urge to pass judgements on my little daughters. I curb my urge to allow myself the liberty of venting out my pent up frustrations which may have nothing to do with my kids.

I calm myself and say "It is OK paapu. It was just an accident. I will help you with it". It is a good practice for adults since it helps us to learn to react to adverse situations in a calm manner. It is good for children because they learn that it is OK to make mistakes as long they learn from it.

Every year when I call my mother to wish her on Mother's day, I always make it a point to remember and talk about the above incident. Each time she reacts by saying  "Really. I don't remember that." And she does not forget to add "ಇದೆಲ್ಲ ಎಷ್ಟು ಚೆನ್ನಾಗಿ ಜ್ಞಾಪಕ ಇದೆ ನಿನಗೆ" (How well you recollect these incidents!).  I know she will react the same way when I call her today and wish her "Happy mother's day"