Whenever I have a chance to be with my children I use it to have a chitchat with them. I get such an opportunity, when I am taking them to their music class or dance class,. The fact that they are bound to their seats by their seatbelts helps me in getting their undivided attention.
I addressed both my daughters and said " Oh, I really love this fog. Do you like this fog?" My eleven year old daughter Ruchira responded "But wait! why do you like the fog appa?". My mind was in favor of going into a tizzy wondering how to answer this question.
What is a mystery novel"
Ruchira: "It is like a detective story"
Apurva: "What is diktektive story?"
Ruchira: "A detective is like Sherlock Holmes"
Apurva: "Oh yaa. I know Sherlock Holmes"
Ruchira: "C'mon Apurva!! You don't know Sherlock Holmes"
Apurva: "Yaa I do"
Ruchira: "No you don't. Have you read any Sherlock Holmes mystery?"
Me: "It is OK Ruchira. I believe Apurva. So Apurva, you know Sherlock Holmes? Who is Sherlock Holmes puttu?"
Apurva: "She is a princess"
Ruchira:" See I told you. She does not know Sherlock Holmes"
Apurva: " Ya I do. "
Me: "How come you know Sherlock Holmes paapu?"
Apurva: "Because I saw her in Tom and Jerry"
Ruchira: "Oooohhhhhh! That one!!! Appa she is talking about the movie 'Tom and Jerry meet Sherlock Holmes'. But Apurva, there is no princess in that"
From personal experience, it is not very difficult to talk to your own children. The best way to go about this is to ask them, simple and open-ended questions about things that are part of their daily lives. By open ended questions I mean those questions that cannot be answered with a yes or a no. As they answer these questions, you show them that you are interested in what they are saying, by responding with more questions. This back and forth creates a conversation. It does not have to be about any serious topic. In fact it is more fun if the subject is casual.
Here is a simple example. You could ask "who is your favorite teacher?" or "who is your best friend?". When they answer this question, you can react by saying "How come I am not your best-friend?". For this specific question, the response from my daughters aged eleven and five, would be one of disbelief at their father's ignorance. They will say "Appa!!!! Don't you know you are a dad!! You can only be our dad. You cannot be our best friend". For fun you can ask silly questions such as "Are there any moms or dads in your class?" for which they might say "Appa you are so silly". That is OK. In fact it is not just OK, it is actually true. That is the whole point. Believe me, the last and only chance you may have of being silly and childish, is in front of your own kids. Have faith that whatever you do, they will find it funny or interesting. Don't worry about the possibility of them getting bored and running away from the conversation. It is not for nothing that I suggested the inside of a car as the ideal setting for this conversation. They are stuck in their seats and you have the keys and the steering wheel .
Last Sunday, as I was driving my daughters to their dance class I decided to start a conversation. As can be guessed from the previous paragraphs the questions about best friends and favorite teachers were already used up during previous occasions. So, while driving on that Sunday morning, in my mind, I start to look for a topic. It is 8.15 in the morning and as we are driving on Interstate 880 in San Jose, I see that the whole area is engulfed in thick fog. It is cloudy but it is not raining. We could not see beyond one hundred or two hundred meters. Trees, buildings and oncoming traffic were made obscure by the thick fog. It was fun to see a big truck with lights, emerge suddenly from behind the fog on the other side of the divided highway. I was enjoying this setting but the daughters looked a bit perplexed by the fog and were watching it with quiet trepidation. So I decided to break the ice by talking to them about the fog that was all around us.
I addressed both my daughters and said " Oh, I really love this fog. Do you like this fog?" My eleven year old daughter Ruchira responded "But wait! why do you like the fog appa?". My mind was in favor of going into a tizzy wondering how to answer this question. But I ruled against it and concentrated on the question and I got the answer. Then the conversation proceeded thus.
Me: "I like it because it appears mysterious. Do you like things that are mysterious?"
Ruchira: "I like mystery novels"
Apurva: "Me too" (the little five year old did not want to be left out of the conversation)
Ruchira: "You haven't read any mystery novel Apurva. Do you even know what is a mystery novel?"
Apurva: "Yaa. I know.Ruchira: "It is like a detective story"
Apurva: "What is diktektive story?"
Ruchira: "A detective is like Sherlock Holmes"
Apurva: "Oh yaa. I know Sherlock Holmes"
Ruchira: "C'mon Apurva!! You don't know Sherlock Holmes"
Apurva: "Yaa I do"
Ruchira: "No you don't. Have you read any Sherlock Holmes mystery?"
Me: "It is OK Ruchira. I believe Apurva. So Apurva, you know Sherlock Holmes? Who is Sherlock Holmes puttu?"
Apurva: "She is a princess"
Ruchira:" See I told you. She does not know Sherlock Holmes"
Apurva: " Ya I do. "
Me: "How come you know Sherlock Holmes paapu?"
Apurva: "Because I saw her in Tom and Jerry"
Ruchira: "Oooohhhhhh! That one!!! Appa she is talking about the movie 'Tom and Jerry meet Sherlock Holmes'. But Apurva, there is no princess in that"
Apurva: "Yaa there is. She has red hair"
Ruchira: "Apurva!! Not everybody you see in a cartoon movie is a princess. She is just a person. Don't you know that"
Apurva: "I knew that"
Ruchira: "No. You did not know that. You don't know anything"
Apurva: "No! You don't know anything. (crying).. Appa, Ruchira is being mean to me"
Ruchira: "No I am not being mean. I am just saying"
Apurva: "Stop it. I don't like you".
As the situation is about to take a wrong turn, we fortunately arrive at the dance teacher's house. They both get down from the car and head towards their dance class. As they walk, I can hear them say in hushed voices "You don't know anything". "No, you don't know anything".
I lean back on the driver's seat and for the next hour loose myself in T. K Rama Rao's detective novel.
